Resolution: To Find Happiness Outside of Food

I've given up soda as part of this new year's weight-loss goals.  I am pretty convinced that soda and weight are inexplicably linked, at least for me.  I wish it wasn't so.  There's very little I love as much as drinking root beer with pizza.  I'm now on Day 6 of no soda, and I'm taking it very much in the same vein as an addict - one day at a time.  I can't think about the fact that I am trying to cut out soda forever.  I can only think about the fact that I'm cutting out soda today. Today I woke up and chose not to drink soda.  That's all I can think about.

But it's gotten me considering how much food is linked to happiness with me.  Tonight we went to the movies.  How on earth was I supposed to sit through a movie without a giant soda?  As it was, I kind of cheated and had Hi-C, but it's not soda, and soda is what's verboten at the moment.  At some point I might cut out all high fructose corn syrup, and I have been drinking mostly water the past 6 days, but for tonight it was a Hi-C.

I wonder what I'll do, for example, what to do when hubby and I go out to eat.  Drink water?  With Chinese food, for example?  Ick!  Nothing goes with General Tso's chicken quite like diet coke.  Seriously?  Water with pizza?  Water with anything like that?  Disgusting!

And it's not just soda.  If I can't go to the Soup Plantation's all-you-can-eat buffet anymore, it's like my entire life is over.  What's the point of living if I can't go to all-you-can-eat buffets?  Why celebrate anything if it can't be over an enormous plate of food?  What about when I'm upset and want to eat chocolate to smooth things over?

Why is so much of my life somehow linked to food?  People celebrated achievements without food before, I'm certain of it.  There are other people in the world right now who don't care about food either way.  They don't get upset if they can't go to the Soup Plantation.  They don't even know about the Soup Plantation.

That is just so foreign to me.  But I want to get there.  One day at a time, right?  Yes, food should be pleasurable, and at some point I hope that I can enjoy food in moderation.  But right now I can't.  Right now I need to learn how to not get much emotional pleasure from food.  I need to separate emotions from food.  And then the pendulum can swing back to the beginning.

breakfast this morning

So far today I had a special k protein shake, an apple, and some ginger tea with 1.5 sugars.  I'm thinking about what to have for lunch in a little bit.  Thinking of some brown rice and beans or something like that...

Dinner last night

I didn't log what I had for dinner last night, and even though nobody's reading this, as part of my weight-loss, I want to log everything.

So yesterday afternoon before dinner I had 2 handfuls of almonds and a small piece of ham (was making dinner at the time).

For dinner I had 2 slices of ham leftover from Christmas, green beans, 4 mini red potatoes, and a bit of french bread.  For dessert I had apples dipped in fruit dip (some kind of cheesy concoction).  Then 2 more lindor truffles fell into my mouth.

Yesterday evening I had a little bit of chocolate milk.

All told, I ate about 2100 calories.  Not great, but not bad.  I also drank 5 glasses of pure water.

oops

I was out in the kitchen making my peppermint mocha (skim milk, espresso, chocolate shavings, peppermint syrup, a little bit of whipped cream) and a lindor truffle popped into my mouth.  

ooops.

Lunch

So, it's now 2pm.  I went for a walk through the woods - 1.6 miles of hilly terrain, 25 minutes.

For lunch I had a bowl of italian wedding soup - I love that stuff!  A little bit of french bread.  And a big glass of water.

I'm going to make myself a decaf mocha at home with skim milk in a little bit.

I'm embracing hunger.

Getting this blog going again

So I'm getting this going again.  It's officially "on".  Why now?  What's been going on with me that I'm finally getting my ass in gear again?

Well.  I got pregnant and gained weight.  Then I lost the baby at 21 weeks due to an infection, and still have some of the weight. That was 3 months ago.

Hubby has been waking me up for about a month, saying that I've stopped breathing.  I guess it's sleep apnea.  Last night I woke up gasping for air.  This was super-scary.  I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, but in the meantime, when I look at the things that cause sleep apnea, the number one factor that's within your control is weight.

If I had been looking for a wake-up sign from God, this one was it.  That's it, I'm done with fat, it's on.  Like, no kidding.  I am seriously not up for waking up gasping for air every night, nor do I want to die in my sleep - I've got too much sh*t to do in life.

So.  The stats.

This morning I weighed in at 252 pounds.  This is very bad.  My goal is to lose about 80 pounds, but that's going to have to be done in stages, as I want to get pregnant again soon.  So the first goal is 30 pounds.  I could do that even while pregnant - yes, I know it's bad to severely limit calories whilst pregnant, but many studies have shown that obese women can lose weight in the first trimester, and it's perfectly fine.  I will be doing it under a doctor's supervision, and will stop if anything gets dodgy.

When I was 220 before, I was very healthy and happy with my weight.  It wasn't perfect, but I felt fit.  Plus I could fit into a size 18.  That was when I lived in NY and was walking everywhere, so that was part of it.  I think getting down to 220 will ease the worst of the sleep apnea, and get me back on a healthy path.  Then I can deal with getting down to 170 after that.  First things first.  The first thing is that I don't want to wake up gasping for breath ever again, and getting to 220 will help that.

So.  For breakfast this morning I had:
a Kellog's Special K protein shake (190 calories, 10 grams protein, 5 grams fiber).
an apple
gingerbread herbal tea with 2 sugars

Will keep posting updates.

Flax and swimming

So I'm trying to do better with taking care of myself in all ways, not just with weight. I went to the dentist, have a doctor appointment next week, and got a great new haircut. This all makes me very happy :) I've been swimming in our town's lake every couple of days. I normally do four laps (eight lengths) of the lake, which is at least 50 yards across. My hubby guesses it as 80 yards. Usually I do a lame breast stroke, but I'm super proud of myself because yesterday I did three complete lengths without stopping of regular freestyle, kicking like crazy. Man, I was breathing heavy and my arms are super sore today. But it felt good.

I've also started putting flax in my smoothies because Dr. Oz said on Oprah that if there's one food you should add to your diet, it's flax. So I got a few kinds at Trader Joe's last week - milled with blueberries (which is what I add to my smoothies) and plain old milled, which I'm going to put into brownies or something like that. I have to say, it's pretty disgusting. But I like being able to have all those Omega 3's. It's good for my brain, and for the baby's, once I get preggars.

Here's my new favorite lunch, which I just had: pita, spread with hummus, toasted in the oven so it's - well - toasty. Then put on spinach, feta cheese and olives. Mmmmmm. Yummy and healthy.

Still trying to drink my 8 glasses of water each day, which also feels good.

Guess that's it for now.