Catching up

So it's been a while since I blogged, which I blame on family visits, general computer laziness, and other assorted random lame reasons.

Stat-wise I'm down almost 12 pounds from where I was 6 weeks ago. I'm at a conference this week and went swimming in the hotel tonight and felt all kinds of muscles in my legs that weren't so obvious a month ago. Which feels nice.

I've stopped eating cereal, and I always go to bed hungry these days, but I figure it won't kill me to sleep on an empty stomach.

Eventually I'll get brave enough to post some before and during pictures here so that my progress can be visually tracked, but for now, I'm still too shy. :)

So here's what I've been thinking about lately. I've been practicing thrift at stores and thinking that the same feelings that make me feel like I have to own something now, to the point that I'd charge it on a card, are the feelings that also make me eat a cookie I don't need. After all, what is a binge but a food-charge - at least in my head, it's a bargain - ie, if I eat this now, I'll pay it off later by not eating dinner. But then I still eat dinner because you have to eat dinner, and so I get all kinds of interest charges and fees in the form of 70 extra pounds. Which seemed insurmountable a month ago, really, but now I'm down 11 of those, it seems much more manageable.

Now that I am practicing thrift at Target (I really am not going to die if I don't get a new set of dishes, no matter how much I love them, and how perfect they would be to eat on outside on the deck....and if they are that perfect, I can budget for them and get them next week) I am also learning how to budget and be thrifty with my calories. I don't want to waste calories on "junk" that doesn't provide me with good nutrients or something healthy, though a certain amount of "treats" are necessary, both with food, and a trip to Target.

If I can budget and plan for a new set of dishes, I can also budget and plan for some mini-eggs, or ice cream. I don't have to go without completely. Though there are some things I do want to go without because it's not worth it to me - cereal as an example. I'd rather budget for ice cream than rice krispies, so that's what I do.

I'm also having an easier time admitting that this is something I'm going to have to deal with for my entire life, and that it's an addiction like cigarettes or alcohol, and it's always going to be there. I have a really hard time with that. I don't like not being in charge or in control. But there is power in facing something, accepting it, and dealing with it rather than just denying it. And I'm learning how to do that. It's still hard, and I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I have been in a long time.