On-and-off blogging

So here's why I've been incommunicado lately...

On May 7 I turned 33, which is what it is, but that day I tore a tendon in my shoulder - comes from years of carrying around really heavy bookbags, which were then replaced by really heavy computer bags.

So anyway, I wound up in the ER on all kinds of fun drugs for a week. Which made it impossible to string together words to make a sentence, let alone a blog entry.

But then I stepped on the scale and had gained back like five pounds. I was hovering dangerously near 240 again. I started freaking out and just wanted to go into hiding. But I was doing so good, I thought. How did this happen? Then the hubby nicely said "I bet it's because you haven't exercised all week, and as soon as you do, it'll start coming back off..." and so I ignored the scale for a few days and got back to my normal workout schedule.

During all of this, I just really wanted to run away. The idea of blogging about my failure was disheartening, to say the least. And so the blog went un-updated. Last week I finally started to catch up and get back on schedule, and this weekend I'm updating all my blogs, and getting my internet life back together.

So I just went into the bathroom and weigh 235. Fully dressed, at the end of the day (normally I go by my weight in the morning). That's hopeful.

My dad and stepmom are coming to visit in about a month. I'd like to set a goal of losing five pounds before their visit. If I do this, I will be down about fifteen pounds from the last time my dad saw me, and I'd really like that. My dad doesn't bring up as many weight issues for me as my mom, but I know he worries about me. He was always fairly thin - with a bit of a beer belly - but he did love cheeseburgers and beer (hence the aforementioned belly). It caught up to him in 2004 when he wound up having a triple bypass. Since then he's become hyperaware of his health, and mine. But not in a pushy way. More in a loving way. So it would make me very happy to be able to show him that I'm on track and losing weight. Five pounds in a month is eminently do-able. I could go crazy and shoot for ten, but let me get the five off first. Five would put me below 230. When I reach 220 I can pull out my NYC clothes. Man, that will be quite the day.

I am going to make a real effort to not run away from blogging when I gain weight, as I will inevitably do. It's during those times that I need to blog and get back on track more than ever.

One thing I've started doing this week is packing my lunch. I work from home three days a week, but the other two I am either traveling, or working in an office. Those two days tend to be kind of "special" since I get to go be sociable and lead a normal work-day existence, so I never think about bringing lunch, and usually buy breakfast on the road, too. But I'm all about saving money these days - my hubby and I have a couple of trips we really want to do before we get pregnant, including India - so we're not eating out, and putting that money towards India. It's amazing how good I feel. I've even started making my own iced mochas, which look almost as good as the ones from Starbucks.

So that's been the little change I've made this week. And if I count $80 on lunches in a month, and $120 on our Date Nite Dinners Out, that's $200 a month on processed oversized portions that I'm not getting. Plus the (easily) $120 on iced mochas I've stopped buying. Gosh, that's practically a car payment.

Anyway, that's what's up with me and my weight journey this past week.

watered down orange soda

Here's something I've started doing lately - watering down my soda with san pelligrino. I've actually started developing a taste for watery orange soda. Seriously, unwatered down orange soda is much too strong!

I'm turning 33 on Thursday and this bums me out. Because I'm running out of time to get healthy. I spent most of my 20's fat. I don't want to spend my 30's fat, too. So I'm more motivated than ever to lose the 60 pounds I have remaining to lose. I want to get them off by my 34th birthday. Except I might get pregnant this year, so I might not be able to make that. Sigh. By 35. Down to about 170 by age 35. That, I can do. That way I can spend only half of my 30's fat and/or pregnant.

And who knows...maybe getting pregnant will motivate me even more. If I know that the little being inside of me is eating everything I'm eating, I'm not going to give it a ton of bad food. I might wind up getting healthier while pregnant.

I was 231 this morning. I can't wait to get back down to 220, which is what I weighed when I lived in NYC. Then I can get out my NYC clothes. Which will hold me over till I get down to 200 or so, and after that I just will need to buy more clothes, because I don't still have any from that far back.

Anyway, it's nice to daydream about clothes. I prefer reading vogue and daydreaming about wonderful clothing to eating chocolate. Must remember that when I want a chocolate chip cookie.