So what's up with my fear of weighing myself?

I am still afraid to weigh myself. I've been drinking lots of water, working out a lot, doing yoga, not eating tons of sugar, not eating late at night - all the things Oprah says you're supposed to do. But I'm still afraid to weigh myself. Why? Really, I tell myself all the time that weight is just a number, and my whole goal is to get healthy, and I should go by how my jeans fit and what size I am and not just the scale. But then I freak out when it's time to weigh myself and get all scared. Why?

I have a couple of theories of my own personal reasons.

The first is that if I weigh myself and the number is too high, or hasn't changed despite my better habits, I'll get all discouraged and wonder what the point of it all is. Then I'll eat a twinkie and feel like crap all over again.

I guess that's probably the main reason. But in that moment of weighing myself, so many thoughts go through my head that are unpleasant. Like as I'm taking my clothes off it's, "man, I hope my husband doesn't come in and see this beached whale" (like he doesn't see me naked on a regular basis anyway. Heck, he likes it! Weird.). Then as I'm stepping on it's, "Is the scale in the right place? Last time I put it by this piece of tile and the number seemed to be better. Maybe if I stand with my weight more on my right or left foot it will make a difference?" And then as the number is computing it's "pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease don't be over 240. Please." And then if it's 239 it's "Oh, yay, I'll never be over 240 again!" Or if it's 240 it's "I'll never get back to my college weight of 160 again. I suck. I'm a whale. This sucks." Then I have to put my clothes back on, shamefully, all the while thinking of excuses. Like, "well, my hair was wet. That has to add a pound."

My heart rate races, my palms sweat, and the whole thing is just really uncomfortable. So why do I put myself through it?

I need to get over that whole thing. It's just a measure. It's like a cup of milk. I don't have all these opinions about a cup of milk. A cup of milk is a cup of milk. It's 8 fluid ounces. I don't judge or evaluate the size of a cup of milk. It's a snapshot. A momentary measurement of what I weigh right this second. Nothing more, nothing less.

Yeah, well, I'm not going to weigh myself this morning because I already ate breakfast. Maybe tomorrow I'll be brave enough to step on the scale.