Weird Week (and back down nearly 2 pounds)

I was back down to just over 241 this morning. Back down to that. Huh. That's an oxymoron if ever I heard one. Whatever. Baby steps.

I had travel this past week, which meant that my diet went completely out of whack. Awful airport food, Chinese food delivery to the hotel, Auntie Anne's pretzels...you name it, I ate it. That said, I did get manage to complete 4 workouts of 45 minutes each, and do yoga twice this week. So I'm pretty proud of that.

And this morning I had lost those 2 pounds from last week, so it must have been water or something.
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So my mother is coming to visit me next week and I'm freaking out. I have a really weird relationship with my mother, and it's related to food, so somewhat relevant to this blog. I am still trying to figure it all out - the relationship with food and my mom - but it's some kind of complicated mess that includes the following:

-my mom doesn't like that I'm fat - I think she takes it as a personal affront. However, she doesn't come out and say it, like a normal mean person would. She says stuff like, "I wish I could buy you nice clothes for your birthday, but I don't know how the sizes at Lane Bryant work."

- my mom sends me packages with tastykakes and chocolate. When I ask her why she sends these things when she knows I am trying to lose weight, she says "well, I figure if you spread it out and just eat one a week, it's not that bad." That's. The. Whole. Point. If I could do that, I wouldn't be fat. That one really makes me mad. You don't give a six pack of beer to an alcoholic and tell them they should make it last a month.

- my mom says she thinks it's her fault that I'm fat because she didn't love me enough and wasn't a good mother. This enrages me because yes, it is her fault in a way. But I hate that she's so self-centered that she thinks it's all about her. I hate making it all about her. Especially when she then sends me chocolate and tastykakes.

- my mom has really weird eating habits. She's like a camel. She won't eat for two days, and then she'll go to an all you can eat buffet and "get her money's worth". So I never really learned good eating habits from her. We ate a lot of processed junk, frozen dinners, etc. Went to Ponderosa to the buffet. Lots of mayonnaise. Never really any good homecooked meals from scratch that I make now. Salad was a chunk of iceberg lettuce, some carrots, and a cup of French dressing. Not a lot of flavor. No real enjoyment of good food, which is something I'd like to both learn myself, and teach my kids. It's one thing to sit down for a long dinner of lovely food, enjoying the colors and tastes, and really enjoy that food. It's quite another to eat a frozen Swanson turkey dinner in five minutes flat with the tv on, which is what we did when I was a kid.

- my mom, being a camel, didn't let me eat breakfast, which I still think is weird. I was a skater when I was a kid - started roller skating at 3 and switched to ice at 9. So we'd spend a lot of time at rinks. People at rinks usually bring food. So there is always some sort of "potluck" at practice sessions. When we'd go to the rink on summer mornings, my mom wouldn't let me eat breakfast first because there would be food at the rink. To start with, the rink was an hour away, and I get carsick on an empty stomach - still do. Second, the food that was there was macaroni salad, cookies, cakes, hot dogs, and general rink food. She'd say "well, just eat a little of each thing" Again, I bring up the alcoholic thing.

There's a lot more stuff like that - weird examples and such - but I'm getting rather bored writing it. I need to figure this all out so I can learn myself, but also so I can teach my kid better habits than I learned from my mom.

Thus, I am quite nervous about my mom's visit.